these are not really fleshed out. i just thought they were cool.
you are going through my head. you know when someone wanted to know what goes through my head at any moment? here.
god i'm really going through the yearning again. (8:33pm)
i've been thinking about getting into a lot of different disciplines: social/physical sciences, creative arts stuff, cooking, and a lot more. i'm not sure why. i just feel like i wanna do a lot lately despite my depleting energy.
i also hope i get back here, finals has drained a lot of energy but im thankfully out for 3 months. (3:53pm)
i've been staring at the sky more lately, dreaming up new yuri concepts in my daydreaming before i eventually have to focus again. it feels even easier to see yuri slip into my life, even in the most unexpected moments. in the same token, i've consistently seen the life i've had slip into the yuri i do engage with. of course, this is not in a vacuum, but it has been interesting to see over and over again. (7:46pm)
stargazing yuri.
lately, i've been looking back on a lot of the old stuff i did and omg i feel so giddy about all this stuff holy.,,.,. i think this has been so fun to look at, especially when i've noticably shifted my style of character creation. (8:29pm)
yuri about the archives of your past.
i've been thinking a lot about the question "why do you make art" recently. not even just as a question, but the question in general has been reproduced and reanswered so many times, and yet nothing ever feels satisfactory to people, including myself. maybe i'll take my crack at figuring out something about it one day. (12:19am)
damn maybe vylet pony is kinda the . . . . fuck how do i make an acronym . whatever it's goated vylet's goated holy shit. (12:17am)
i've been thinking of a new way to conceptualize my current state, especially recently. with all the yearning and exhaustion i've had for a while, i think i'm about ready to make something new once this semester is over. i hope i don't falter like the times before. i hope i can redeem the failure of the past endeavors and put forth a new path for myself. (8:19pm)
lately, i have been feeling physically exhausted for a lot longer, and it doesn't get better with any rest. it's genuinely getting so bad and idk what's wrong. sometimes i feel okay but its so short lived. i'm really not sure what to do... (1:16am)
for the longest time, i thought that i wouldnt be able to love anyone at all. i never thought that i'd be able to think of someone that way, let alone yearn this badly. it's like...damn, never in my life has it ever felt like this before. i...i don't know what to do or say. (1:27am)
the yearning is getting stronger. it's like i haven't felt this way in a while but god it's been so strong for a good bit. (11:45pm)
i've been thinking so much about 'throw away the suit together' by keyyang. i...i want to escape, but i know it's impossible. (2:40pm)
i usually don't bother with most social medias now but one thing that frustrates me is how fundamentally unusable they are without an account most of the time. like holy shit (8:53pm)
my interest in weird things from the past got to me again... oops! now i'm going back to random 18th century texts just to analyze their arguments and explain how they don't make sense (11:54pm)
i've started calling gender a machine more often and oh my god things started making sense too. (11:25pm)
been feeling miserable lately for 2 days (2:55pm)
too much time constraints ;; especially on what i want to do and how they generally take a very long time. (1:36pm)
part one of assignment hell done... (1:51pm)
on an unrelated note, signal strength was really good. (1:57pm)
i read a yuri called philosophia a few days ago. it's a beautiful story about 2 women who rejected love in 2 different ways: one in the way where she thinks love is something only dumb people have, and one who thinks she's undeserving of love for a variety of reasons. it's a piece of work that isn't afraid to tackle what love is and what it does to people. what is it like when you feel love? what is it even? i'm not sure myself, but...i sometimes think about the ways im influenced by the people i like and hold dearly in my heart too. i think about the flowers and i see my collaborator. i want to see her and the world and the flowers flourish. to do that, i hope i could too.
yuri about department stores. (9:57pm)
god i forgot to do a lot of stuff here awawawa...i'll probably do some stuff with this site and what not...i've just not been feeling well lately. (11:37pm)
i wish i wasn't so bogged down all the time because i keep looping back to worse mental places. for some reason i have become more prone to just being hit with something mentally out of nowhere and being left exhausted and unable to do anything. like this is just becoming annoying at this point. (1:13pm)
i've been thinking about "post-irony," a concept in which you return to sincerity through irony, lately. i think this idea has been quite cool to think about, especially when we express desire in the irony-riddled hellscape we're in at this point. maybe it's worth delving into a little more. (4:48pm)
trying to be a student...damnit. (11:24am)
been performing more since i started playing yume nikki again. this has been getting fun i'm gonna be honest... (1:12am)
performance yuri
yuri about exhaustion. two girls who have been broken and exhausted because of how they have been treated in their respective communities somehow meet each other as they try to find the small glimpses of space to heal bit by bit.
on a tangentially related note, it sucks that i have to deal with emotional detachment and the layers of irony in the few spaces i'm still in. it just...sucks. i somewhat know how we got here, but...god, i don't know. (3:15pm)
i might be working on some stuff with some of my friends. i really hope this goes well when summer comes cause god damn. i'm also getting into the writing mood at last so...hooray!
yuri involving a secret writing group in a university that no one but the people in the group know about. (5:10pm)
happy new yuri! i hope that things are okay or atleast not horrible. i love you all and thank you for probably the most impactful year of my life. (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) (2:38am)